Pogowars
by Ewen1
Summary: Hakkai is pregnant!!! Woohoo! Sanzo is officially a psychopath, Goku and Gojyo have been decared insane, Why the hell are the gundam pilots here?!!!Lumberjack ( and he's not okay)is back!and... *pales considerably* is that a tutu?!S/G H/Go.
1. the return of the pogo

I'm back!! This fic has been thoroughly delayed due to the facts that: I've been lazy and of course maybe its the large stack of anime CD's lent to me by Alex, ranging from Macross 2 to X the OVA's wuhey! But then X got me depressed.. they killed Kamui! oh I want to cry!! I only got over that by watching Billy Conolley and I've been making a manga in protest against the war that's coming up.. hopefully their going to print it in a newspaper called Kanya (its not written like that but that's how it's pronounced) Wish me luck! ^ ^ 

This fic is dedicated entirely to Kimie .. love your fics! but your not updating! (and I have a right to say that now cos I've finally posted this fic. Ha!) oh okay so you updated one of them... update again! 

Disclaimer; actually, yes, Saiyuki is mine now you ask, and, yes, I am married to the King of Spain. And, no, Heero Yuy is not a fictional character ...don't know what they mean when they say I'm a compulsive liar. 

Warning; I don't think this is anywhere near as funny as it's first part so your really going to have to tell me straight 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Goku pinched his nose to stop the blood. He tried to unbutton his trousers with one hand, it was useless but it didn't matter anyway, the trousers fell apart of their own accord. 

Earlier that week there had been a minor incident involving Harkuryuu, bad parking and some Very Inconveniently Placed Thorny Bushes that had left both Goku's and Gojyo's trousers in shreds. 

Sanzo, at the time, had not minded in the least ( this information was passed on to us by his libido, Sanzo would never admit to it) until he'd realised that he wasn't the only one watching Goku's scantily clothed legs. Jealousy began to take over and Hakkai was beginning to tire of trying to remove nosebleed induced stains from their clothes. This drove Sanzo to entrust his Shiny Magical Credit Card of Gold to Gojyo ( despite his better reasoning). 

A now highly fluffyfied Kappa had proceeded to drag Goku off to the shops, forcing the poor saru into; Kai's Korner of Kinky Kit, Spandex delights ( Heero buys stuff there! ^ ^: ); Hot sex in my leather trousers and the perverse constricting clothes filled shop formally known as Pris, a widely recognised brand name, it was here where Gojyo had asked Goku what he thought of the trousers he was wearing which had landed the golden eyed boy hiding in the dressing room with a nosebleed, Gojyo had then tossed a pair of trousers over telling him to try them on. 

"Hentai ero baka kappa" (what a mouthful) 

After a 15 minute struggle Goku now, finally, had his legs in bright red leather, far too tight to be legal. 

" Baka! You got them on?" 

" Ah.. Yeah" 

Out of nowhere Gojyo appeared behind the younger boy. 

//_Wait... I locked the door//_

Frozen from shock Goku said nothing as Gojyo ran his hands up the saru's thighs and purred. The ero kappa disappeared before Goku managed to make a strange gurgling noise of protest. 

Another pair of trousers landed on the boy's head. 

" Try them on!" 

" Uhuh" 

Of course, Gojyo still loved Hakkai, almost every night in fact, but after spending a week watching Goku's legs he wasn't going to let them pass so easily 

// _I am the Ero Kappa!//_ (course you are Gojyo ^ ^) 

Yup it was in his rights (not to mention his contract...) 

Finally deciding on the fawn coloured ones for himself he went back to picking out Goku's. 

//_Now the red ones were ok but the black ones looked good too .. I wonder what the white ones look like//_

" Oi! Baka! You done?" 

" Yeah" 

Goku shyly sidled out of the cubical. 

_// Definitely the white//_ was the only thought that managed to surface in the red head's mind before his nose seemingly exploded spraying the floor with blood. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

He placed the glass down on the table silently observing the stains and scratches that ran along it. The man across from him sighed and scratched his groin. Grunting slightly the renown landlord look his hand out of his black silk pants. 

Looking up from the table stains to the face of his best friend the man smiled.. best friends indeed! they had even discovered Lycra together!.. and now he needed his help. 

Ima Lumberjack ( and he's okay) was currently making another attempt at readjusting his women's knickers, he'd been sweating all day, looking after the inn, and that had made the silk slide around a lot and the pants were beginning to emigrate towards his anus 

"Of course I'll help, my friend! I understand how you feel" 

Daisy wiped away the tears 

"With your help my friend, my vengeance shall fall apon them with great fury" 

The bigger, heavier man, still with his hands in his pants, nodded. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Trying his best to not look at the saru's legs Sanzo tried his best to look dignified with a loo roll up each nostril. Goku was self-consciously trying to pull his shirt down to cover himself, Gojyo was drooling and Hakkai was having another sexual fantasy that included Gojyo, leather and a jar of honey ( Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask) 

The burly landlord watched as the Sanzo ikkuo packed up and got ready to leave 

//_Time to start the pogo plan//_

The big sweaty man searched through his grubby flannel shirt. He pulled out a small Hello Kitty purse that had beads and sequins sewn to it, placing 4 glasses on the bar, the man The man took a pinch of the bright violet powder and sprinkled it into 3 of the glasses, grinning towards the young men. 

"Here! On the house!... as a last farewell" 

triumphantly he pushed the drinks towards the young men. 

The man grinned at the group, only to find that both Hakkai and Sanzo had gone out to load Harkuryuu... correction, Hakkai went out to load the jeep, Sanzo merely sat and waited ( Hey, I mentioned Harkuryuu! he didn't appear in the last one!) 

The kappa and the saru however downed the drinks offered to them and marched out. The jeep started up and they drove off, then the jeep stopped, Hakkai got out, puked and they started off again. 

Ima Lumberjack ( and he's still ok) arched his fingers and smiled towards the man sat in the shadows in a corner of the bar room. 

"Well it seems only two of them drank it " 

"No matter Ima, we'll get the other" 

" Can I keep the three once we're done?" 

" All of them except the monk, the monk is mine" 

And Daisy's eyes misted over at the thought 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Spring was in the air, the flowers were blooming, the light breeze filling the sky and littering the ground with their petals, the soft scent of wild roses covered the area. Bird song accompanied the scene and a loud sound retching broke through the wind. Stopping the jeep once more, Hakkai leant over the side of Harkuryuu and hurled again. 

Carefully inclining over Hakkai's shoulder, Goku sympathetically remarked. 

" I've seen cars that colour " 

" Aye, cars and chickens" Replied Gojyo 

Goku turned and nodded at said kappa. 

" Blue?" 

" Hakkai's puke is blue?!" 

" noooo, chickens are" 

" URUSAI!!!!" 

" yes Sanzo-sama" was replied in unison 

Sanzo glanced nervously at Hakkai, who shrugged at the strange occurrence and gracefully resumed his task of throwing up. Once finished, the jeep remained in silence, waiting for an explanation from the green eyed demon for the sudden bout of car-sickness. Hakkai cleared his throat. 

" I'm hungry" 

Sanzo immediately turned round to the saru, harisen raised, only to find that it couldn't have been the saru at all, Goku was currently busy plaiting daisies in to Gojyo's hair and it couldn't have been Gojyo as said kappa was singing a rather perverse Blink 182 song ( anyone heard the bonus tracks on their Cd ?) which left.... 

Sanzo turned to Hakkai in terror. 

_// oh no! not another one !//_

Hakkai turned to Sanzo, his cheeks packed with biscuits, crumbs falling and the odd one sticking out of his mouth. He munched, tilted his head and blinked innocently 

_// Just like a frigin' hamster//_ ( oh come on! just imagine the scene ... a Hakkai hamster! ^ ^) 

It was then, as Goku and Gojyo started the first verse of Nobby All, that Sanzo's self-preservation instinct kicked in. 

_// what do I do now!?//_

_// Simple.. we sleep//_

_//huh?//_

_//shhhhh,Rock aby baby on the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will rock..//_

"ZZZZ" 

Aww! a sleeping Sanzo.. escaping from reality, ...you think I'm going to let you Sanzo?... Oooh no. 

Then Sanzo's SP instinct, with an evil grin, finished the lullaby. 

_//And when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby, cradle and all//_

" AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! " (What kind of a lullaby is that!? What kind of sadistic parents sing that to their kids!?) 

Sanzo, thoroughly agitated from a nightmare involving falling babies and blue sick, grumpily listened to the last verses of The Frog Song, courtesy of Goku and Gojyo 

" Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom" 

" Shaiiya" 

"Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom" 

"Shaiiya" 

"Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom" 

"Shaiiya" 

The end of said song was accompanied by clapping from Hakkai 

" I love Paul Mc cartney" 

And high pitched giggling. This sent shivers up Sanzo's spine. 

_//Paul Mc cartney, eeeeeeeee//_

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

okay!! first chapter!!! ^_________^ I need a review trip, now!! and to all those authors out there; keep up the good work!! 

One final message; NO TO THE WAR IN IRAQ!!! DON'T LET THE GOVERNMENT TRICK YOU WITH THEIR LIES!! THE SPANISH AND ENGLISH PUBLIC ARE BEING FORCED INTO THIS!! 98% OF THE SPANISH POPULATION IS AGAINST IT!! DON'T LET THE IRAQIS BE MASSACRED IN YOUR NAME!!! 

" _And I heard a voice in the midst of the four living creatures saying "a quart of wheat for a denarius and three quarts of barley for a denarius but do not touch the oil and the wine", this was famine" _book of Revelations 

Gallons of French wine was poured away, "Do not burn your oil" said Bush. Sound familiar? 


	2. the pogo strikes!

Hi all! Thank you my beawie reviewers! ^ ^ 

**Xenocaster;** You think I wrote them well???........ AHHHHHHHH! * throws herself at you* *Glomp!* although I doubt they'll stay that way, I mean, how the hell can I get an in character Sanzo to sing the goblin song? **Aspara;** you see none of them have jump him yet due to the small obstacle in the form of the titanium alloy boxers Sanzo put on Goku, only the monks got the key **Kimie;** ........................................................ * snif* ............... I know. Your right.** Joce;** I'd love to! I really would but the precuel to this story was like this so I can't change it, but there will be huge hints on it through out the fic, and, no I'm not a racoon I'm actually a large black crow. **Joey;** Here take this Large Pointy Object and use it to knock some sense into her. **Chris :** Your the only one whose mentioned that and I'll let this on to you only.. Yes! he is!!!!! not in this chapter though ( its gonna be a surprise ^ __ ^) **Gallactica;** Glad you thought so! ^ ^ **NigHtEyeZ;** You really think so!???? * blushes * **Mi;** hello!!!! Yep ! finally I took my time about it didn't I? **Jashuang;** It had to be the white, Goku's supposed to be innocent! ( take note on the "supposed" ) **Saiyuki-gal;** Ahhh! I love your fics! It's just I'm a lasy bitch so thats why I don't review most times, but all your stories are great! keep it up! 

Thank you every one! This chapter has been delayed due to end of term exams ( which I have failed completely) which is why I'm depressed, which is mainly why this isn't as funny as it could be 

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Sanzo slowly twirled one of Goku's ear-tails between his fingers, discreetly planting kisses on the younger male's neck and marvelling at the fact that he could get away with this without the saru even noticing. Leaning forward he prepared to push the saru down and have his way with him But. 

"Ne, ...Sanzo..." 

Frowning heavily and resisting the urge to growl, the monk lifted an eyebrow to indicate that his baka could carry on 

" Monks are celibate, aren't they?" 

If landscapes could shatter this one would. Silence filled the sky, the world waited, time stopped. 

"BAKA!!" 

" No! Sanzo wait!, He's just not thinking straight!" 

" Happy, Happy anniversary!" 

"Would you like a cup of tea?" 

"BAKASSSSS!!!!" 

The jeep had been stopped, the field Harkuryuu was now in was large, filled with spring time flowers. There was a wood surrounding it on two sides. Happily the small dragon flew from corner to corner taking the opportunity to stretch it's wings. 

The decision to stop the jeep had been taken so people could stretch their legs, so Sanzo could get away from said people to take some aspirin and so Hakkai could try it on with Gojyo... Shock horror, the kappa hadn't caught on! 

Oh my God what's the world coming to!!? The Kappa had instead favoured Goku's suggestion. 

" OH! Look, Gojyo! The white rabbit's gonna be late! lets help him find the hole!" 

At this Gojyo had leapt up, grabbed the white bunny and ran off looking for a watch. 

By now Sanzo's eyebrow seemed to be attempting to run away, off his face. Seeing that the aspirin wasn't going to work, he opted for the last resort and began looking for a nice tree to smash his head against. 

By now the two buffoons known as Goku and Gojyo had forgotten about finding the rabbit hole, instead Goku broke it's neck whilst screaming something about the need to eliminate the biker bunnies from Mars and they then decided to play rugby with it. 

Hakkai having been ignored by his darling kappa began dejectedly, although his smile was still in place, looking for something to eat. It was this that landed him two minutes later, nicking a sandwich cart off some poor, unfortunate, nameless man. Hauling it under one of the trees he started eating. Harkuryuu settled down beside his master, who offered him some of his Superchicken sandwich. Hakkai then turned to watch the saru play rugby as Gojyo cheered him on 

_// Humm... Gojyo looks damn good in that cheer leading skirt_// 

"Go Goku, Go Goku, GO, GO!" 

"touchdown!!" 

The two youkai began a ridiculously extravagant tango down the middle of the field in celebration. 

Loud crashing noises were suddenly emitted from the surrounding woods, there was a loud cry, a whimper and some girlie struggling sounds . Suddenly Daisy burst into the clearing 

" MY LOVE!!! My darling monk!" 

" Holy Shit!!!" 

" Damn you, you pervert!! didn't I whip your arse hard enough last time!??" This, surprisingly, came from Hakkai. Sanzo, upon seeing that his wonderful baka was more interested in showing the kappa how to skip, unloaded his gun upon the old prat, unfortunately for him P.O.G.O man's trained flab merely absorbed the bullets. Cooing ridiculously P.O.G.O man said 

" Weren't you wondering what was wrong with your team mates?" 

Daisy gestured towards the two cart wheeling youkai . 

" I can tell you what's wrong with them... if..." 

"F*** off!" 

" well thats not a nice thing to say to your fiancé" 

Daisy pouted, completely ignoring the fact that Sanzo was reloading his gun, however Goku chose that very instant to say, in a proud and happy voice. 

" oo, look Gojyo.. flowers" 

"ooo" 

And Sanzo began to fire, which sent P.O.G.O man screaming 

" If you don't listen to me your lovers will become completely insane, all thanks too my dastardly wicked plan" 

" Wait a second! you mean their going insane? So, basically,.... it your fault Gojyo refused me!!!! 

As the saying goes " Hell has no wrath as a horny Hakkai turned down 

" AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGG" 

" Bitch fight!!" 

Whipping out the previously used cheer leading costume, and Goku with one to match, the two, soon to be insane youkai began cheering Haakai on as said youkai proceeded to execute a complicated manoeuvre which would impede Daisy from having children ( Ahhh! what an awful thought! O_O) or, indeed, complete any other bodily function , Sanzo was happy watching Goku's legs 

//Mmmmmm, haven't seen those in a while // 

// What? you where seeing them marching up and down yesterday!// 

// Yeah, and that's far too bloody long by my standards// 

//Hentai// 

//Yes, we are// 

Trying to escape from the weirdo intent on pulling his limbs off, Daisy headed towards the cheer leaders, and squealed 

" Squeal " 

" it's, it's... MY ANGEL!!!!!" 

"AAiiiiiiiii!!" 

Opening his arms wide, he ran for his darling. This movement received Sanzo's immediate attention. There was no way that fat old man was going to touch his Goku, but, of course, he'd never publicly show that he was jealous, so he now had to find a plausible excuse to why he'd protected Goku. It was difficult. However he was saved from this task 

" Quick Gojyo! Lets fusionate!!" ( seen Dragon Ball Z? you've seen this then) 

"Right" 

And the two youkai began the ancient fusion dance. They stretched out their arms, Goku to the right, Gojyo to the left, keeping their arms stiff they passed them over their heads whilst chanting 

" Fuuuuuuu.. 

They jolted them back to the original position lifting a leg at the same time 

" sion!. 

they joined forefingers 

" Ya!!!" (1) 

Nothing happened 

" Bollocks! " 

Goku barrelled over as the large amount of fat that was Daisy hit him 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Yeah I know, not as funny as the other one, I'm sorry. I'm depressed, so it's difficult. 

(1) I don't know what they say in the English dub cos I've only seen the Spanish one so, yeah, this is in Spanish, translation; basically " Fusion! now! 

What will Sanzo do to Daisy??? What does Daisy want, apart from having his wicked way with the blonde monk? What will happen to Goku and Gojyo? and what the hall is up with Hakkai 

Don't lose faith in me, this will get better! Review! 


	3. Sanzo counterattacks

Hello my fluffy bunnies!!! I wuv you all.... ..... O_O .... * shudders in horror* I ... sound like a Furby! OH MY GOD! Someone help me!!! 

**Aspara**: Thank you for having faith, that's right, all of you; have faith in me, put you hope in the psychopath's hands .. um, I mean .. the_ nice_ author's hands ehehehe** Mei neko**; * throws herself at you * Waahhhh that's sooooo nice of you! **black luna**; Damn! a plot?! Umm, Ahhh, weeell ... maybe not a plot as in the writers sense of a plot... but there's one somewhere... I hope **chris**; Ahhhhhhhh! how can you say that!? you know it's true. Shut up Martin!.. I'm gonna sulk now **CTFA and Vince**; Yey! huggles! I love reciving them!!! But I'm not really Spanish.. I'm a hybrid, Half Brit, half daygo, Used to live in England, now live in Spain, but Damn..... my level of English hasn't advanced since I was ten... it sux Your Spanish is good though! ^__________^ what nationality are you?** Genkaku** Ahhh! Mi!! * Glomps back* I love getting glomps too! ^ ^ Only 500 hundred? damn it was supposed to do more, that's the only reason people like the fic, the more you read, the more you lose, the more you lose, the funnier it gets! and also the more you lose the easier you are to control and there for boosts my plans of world domination, George Bush eat your heart out! Actually Shikuo Yamitsuki is going to do the dominating, but I'm allowed to take part Hah! **Night EyeZ**; OH SQUEEEEEEE! joy! snif snif you made me so happy I'm gonna cry. I get these ideas from Wargod who has actually turned out to be my subconscious, Confused? .. yeah, me too **Jashuang**; Damn all right I admit it black would have been better but not only would the Sanzo-ikkou have died from blood loss I would've too! How can I make you forgive such a disgusting error on my part?...... how about.... let's say ... Hakkai in a dress and we're quits? ^ ^ 

Okay last chapter I forgot the disclaimer, and as I was still me last time I looked that means that I would be pissed enough to go and change that soo, I'll put it here 

Disclaimer for chap 2 : No, Saiyuki is not mine, 

Disclaimer for this chap:........... nope, Saiyuki's still not mine. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Winding lanes and narrow streets had lead the Sanzo-ikkuo to the hospital, there were two reasons for this; one being that Sanzo wanted to cure Goku of his insanity and another being that Hakkai wanted to find out what the hell was wrong with him. He was tired of throwing up all the time. 

Of course, we left off earlier. Well, upon seeing a fat lump of lard glomping his beloved playmate, Sanzo had thrown a girlie fit which caused Daisy to end up with a fan down his throat, a sandal up his arse and the words " Tinky-Winky stinks" written on his stomach. He was then placed in front of a convent. 

Once this had been done, and Sanzo had purchased another fan ( and another sandal), they headed to the hospital for reasons already mentioned. 

" Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Sanzoooooooooooooooooooooooo...." 

"What!?" 

" Nothing ! I just like the way it sounds" 

Wack 

This attack was responded by loud giggling, which worried Sanzo even more 

" Step on it, Hakkai, step on it" 

" Step on what?" 

_// Arrg!// _screamed martin ( remember martin? aka; the rational part of Sanzo's mind) 

_// Oh, Arrg, arrg, arrrg!!!//_ screamed he 

The real Sanzo however merely stared at Hakkai in a fashion that stated quite clearly;_ the answer is obvious, you_ _dumarse._ And so Hakkai accelerated. 

Finally entering the hospital after far too many rounds of Goku and Gojyo singing perverse songs, Hakkai skipped away to find a doctor whilst Sanzo tried his best to keep the saru still so the psychiatrist could examine him, Gojyo kept the conversation running, whilst plaiting one of the eartails Goku had grown whilst in cat form. 

" I bet you don't know what I'm thinking kappa" 

" I bet I do" 

" No you don't. Go on try and guess" 

" You were thinking 'if I get stranded in a forest, could I eat my shoes'" 

" No, I wasn't and you can't" 

" Ok then, you were thinking 'if I needed to, could I turn my staff in to a biro'" 

" Damn!" 

The psychiatrist glanced up at the two youkai and went back to his furious note taking, he wasn't actually taking notes, he was doodling in the corner of the page but, hey, it make him look like he was actually interested in his job. Meanwhile in another corner of the very same hospital, Ima cradled the beaten body of his best friend. 

" Don't worry bunny, there going to extract the sandal now" 

" I don't mind the sandal, just please take this awful sentence off my stomach." 

" But what about the sandal?" 

" 'Twas a gift from my love, I shall treasure it for ever, and .... it feels so nice.. mmmmmm" ( shudder) 

" Don't worry my dear flower, we'll get the nuns that beat you up.. unfeeling bitches" 

" mmmmmmmmm.. _straw_ sandal" 

In yet another corner of the same hospital, yes this hospital has 4 corners so we still have this one and another one left. Well in this corner, all was quiet, the patients slept, waiting for their destined moment to come. Yes, all was at peace. 

" Sacred and most heavenly shit!!!! " 

" Well, that's certainly a more colourful way of putting it" 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Sanzo was facing the young doctor, daring him to speak, the psychiatrist shifted nervously and glanced back at the two slightly unstable youkais that were currently rolling round on the floor together ( ^ ^ you may take this as dirtily as you wish, Sanzo's not watching) 

" So, Goku's insane right?" 

Relived that he didn't have to break the news himself, the doctor nodded fervently. 

" Yes. He's definitely bonkers " 

" HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY SARU!!!!" " YOU DIE!!!!" 

Gun shots were heard throughout the hospital. Hakkai looked up from were he was trying to revive the doctor that had attended him, and decided it was time to go. 

After successfully piling two maniacs and a now official psychopath ( the doctor awarded Sanzo with the title after being attacked by him) into the jeep, Hakkai drove off rubbing his stomach and humming happily. Realising that they weren't in the hospital anymore Gojyo began to sing, it was a nice song that Sanzo could join in with too. The two maniacs had accepted the blonde as one of their own after the shooting session.( if you like dogs, don't read this) 

" Tie my dog to the rail road track.." 

" Choo, choo train's gonna break his back.." 

" _We used to call him Spot_" 

" Yeah, but now his called Splat..." 

"....................................... 

" Sanzoooo! you wrecked the song!!!" 

" Yeah, well!" 

The jeep screeched to a halt. Gojyo and Goku immediately jumped out and began their very own leg less marathon. Sanzo ran after Goku to stop the kappa from even thinking about what every one else was thinking about ( screw the saru, screw the saru.. )And Hakkai had an announcement to make. 

" Um Guys..." 

Surprisingly this got everyone's attention. Hakkai grinned and lifted up his shirt 

" I'm pregnant!" 

**.**

**.**

**.**

**..............................**

A loud flumping noise came from Sanzo as he fell to the floor, a quivering lump. Goku, even though mad was still, as I have said before, very intelligent and remembered to keep up his mask of stupidity,( even though it wouldn't matter if he didn't, they think his mad anyway )To do so he didn't question the 'HOW!???' the 'WHAT!????' the 'when?' and the 'why?' or even the ' what's pregnant?' no, instead he began flitting around Hakkai making happy noises. As happiness is contagious and the kappa didn't hear what Hakkai said and he's mad anyway, Gojyo began running around behind the main group pretending he was an aeroplane. Sanzo whimpered 

" WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN; PREGNANT!!!???????????" 

"Snif snif... you know Sanzo, you shouldn't, like, snif, shout at me man, snif.. it really brings me down" sobbed Hakkai 

" AHHHRRRRGGGG!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!! " Said Sanzo 

" Yeah, the doctor screamed pretty much the same before falling unconscious, although, he added some nice adjectives" 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Hah! Was that funnier?! 

Read and Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I love Dragon Ball fan fiction! It got me laughing again! yeah!!!!! Thanks to all of the authors that write about Vegeta getting with Goku! Ahahaaaahhahaahaaha! especially to Chuquita ! Veggietine day... oh my God ! ahahaahahaaha!!! And a huge hug to all of the authors that have written all of those new Haru/Kyou fics They made me even happier! and, actually, thanks to all the authors for writing the fics that are posted here or indeed anywhere else!!! 

... and now I'm going to wash my hair. 


	4. Deal with the pogoman

**Anime Hyena**: Thanks! I probably wouldn't have posted this if you hadn't talked to me!**Tazzmania Tyger**: Umm Saiyuki is nothing like this, everyone's really ooc in this! **Mi:** MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!! * Glomps and huggles* Darlin' beawie Mi! I'm afraid that I think like this manly cos i'm insane, i'm soo glad someone likes my insanity! I was beginning to get worried! and your lucky because my product " Become a psycho like me!" will soon be released in to your local supermarket!** Dark Hunter**; It was a triangle!! nah! it was supposed to be a square... did I count right.. probably not , And just as a helping hand, to get rid of old people, buy a very large dog .. or hire pogo man **Jushuang;** Aww your sooo cute * Glompies * **Gallactica*** Crys from happiness* You laugh ! you like! **Kimie**; Wai! I thought it was obvious who the father was... me! Ahahahaaha! And Kimie, let the hentai in you talk! do not repress the hentai **Aspara**; heres the chapter lets see if it clear anything up.. I doubt it tho **Christina**: Quick! let go of pogo man now! I dont know what reaction close contact with him could cause! Here glomp Goku!**Chris**; ah, well, good question, but the question that's really gonna bake your cookie is; do you want them to be cured? **Joce** Here use this valium i've just nicked off my Grandma, .. mmmmmm cake...... 

Disclaimer; No, Saiyuki is not mine, though it will be mine someday, sometime, and for the rest of our lives. Muahahahahaha! hahahahahahaaha! Ahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahha!!! 

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Headaches were probably the worst enemy of Genjo Sanzo, they always had been, they always would be, but never before had he experienced such pain and uncomfort as he was feeling now due to this headache. It seemed to be a hybrid between his saru induced headache, his kappa head pains and general stress ... with the added Hakkai shock 

// _please kill me now_// 

" ok Hakkai, fine! You're pregnant! I can believe that. Would you mind telling me how the hell it happened!?" 

// _Yeah! then I can use it on the saru_// 

// _nonononononononononono, I didn't just think that_// 

// _nah, course you didn't_// 

Sanzo watched as, the normally human skin coloured Hakkai changed into varying shades of pink and red 

" Sanzo! I, ah... uf..humf I, I don't think I should tell you that!" 

" ...........? " 

At moments like these Sanzo tends to need time to mentally process information, don't worry boys and girls! He'll get there in the end. 

"....... I DIDN'T MEAN THAT! I HAVE NEITHER THE WANT OR THE NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU AND THE KAPPA DO AT NIGHT OR INDEED ANY OTHER TIME!!!!! I merely wanted to know if you knew how it was that, you, a man, became pregnant" 

" I don't know jack" 

" Yes, you've established that marvellously. OK, how about when?" 

" Well, I think it was maybe, possibly, probably round about the time of our.... y'know... 'cat incident'" 

Sanzo flinched at the memories 

// _Hahhh, but we got to see Goku in a dress_// 

// _We still can. All we have to do is ask_// 

//_Hah! like he's sane enough to understand what your saying_// 

// _I don't like you_ // martin checks his list of mental entities // _You aren't accounted for, who the hell are you!?//_

// _I'm taking over from Sanzo's conscience, he's on strike_// 

// _Again!?//_

" Sanzo I still don't understand why me being pregnant immediately means I must wear a dress" 

" Because, Hakkai, we will need to get you to a doctor, and, as I have said before; men don't get pregnant, therefore you must be a woman! Hence the dress" 

" All right! there's no need to get all shirty" 

" Good!" 

" But why did it have to be a flowery sun dress!?" 

" Because it's the only dress that baka kappa of yours managed to pick!" 

Sanzo pointed furiously at Gojyo who limited himself to looking innocent and batting his eyelashes, Hakkai instantly cooed lovingly. The dress wasn't all that bad, not if his kappa chose it. The green eyed semi youkai held the dress down as the wind tossed it around, it's thin, thread like straps didn't help at all to warm his arms which is why he also had a short denim jacket. He tossed it on and waited for Sanzo's scream 

" Right, Kappa! get the saru. We're off " 

Gojyo answered with a high pitched giggle that was mirrored by another giggle of the same kind but emitted from a tree 3 meters away, this made the kappa laugh once again, with in turn caused Goku to giggle again, which once more caused Gojyo to laugh and so forth. 

" Get Goku, you freaky dumarse!" 

Looking as offended as you can look whilst grinning insanely, the kappa set off to get the aforementioned saru. 

" Oi saru! Get your arse down here or I'll start singing ' The yellow submarine'" 

Meanwhile Sanzo's mind screamed in agony 

// _I can't stand this any more!!!! It's driving me insane!!!//_

// _Yes, it's the lack of sex_// 

" Baka get down from there!!" 

" la lala la la lala" 

// _No! This madness! I can't take it!//_

" I'm warning you!" 

// _Okay then, how about we become completely ignorant of it all by running away from reality as we have been shown by many anime characters before us, most importantly, the great Shinji-sama_// 

" WAAAII!!" 

"Don't make me do it" 

// _And how do we do that then_?// 

//_Fall unconscious_// 

// _Are you suggesting I faint!!??//_

// _Yes// _

" Right that's it!" 

_//....... All right then_// 

Sanzo fell to the ground blissfully unaware of the horror and pain Gojyo was about to unleash upon the world 

" In the town where I was born.... " 

"...lived a man... 

" AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

A shriek ripped through the air, Goku bolted down the tree at lighting speed, screaming 

" Ahhhhh!" 

He ran past Gojyo 

" Ahhh! it's Trowa Barton!!!!" 

This gained a squee from Gojyo, as the kappa realised who was next to the green eyed pilot. 

"AHHHHHHH! And Heero!!" 

Attracted by the overly girlie squeeing noises, Hakkai turned towards the source of the commotion convinced that he would find P.O.G.O man only to find that Heero, with the kappa still firmly gripping his arse, was poking the unconscious Sanzo with a stick whilst Trowa allowed the mini saru to glomp him. Pretty miffed with the abuse and sensing that someone or something was touching Goku the monk leaped up, did three somersaults, a back twist and landed safely on the ground. 

" Wow, not even I could have done that" 

Heero proceeded to kindly ask Sanzo to remove the copy write on the shooting stances. 

" OI! You! Blondie! How dare you force me to shoot like a raving bender!!" 

" You **are** a raving bender" 

" Shi ne!!!!!!!" 

Heero removed his gun and prepared his shooting stance, when, quite suddenly, the space time continuum in this anime world returned to its previous state. I.e. Heero and Trowa disappeared, returning to their real world where they proceeded to hunp like bunnies. Sighing loudly the Sanzo-ikkuo piled into the jeep, literally, in Goku and Gojyo's case. Hakkai started crying for no good reason and Sanzo pondered the wonders of suicide. 

_We went out on a date_

_It was late!_

_She had so many friends! _

The Sanzo-ikkuo set off, an eerily familiar song echoing in their ears 

_I brought my pogo stick, just to show her tricks she had so many friends_

Goku jumped up in his seat, scaring the shit out of Hakkai, pointed forwards and commenced singing with the kappa head banging at the pogo parts 

" JUMP!" 

" Pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo" 

" BOUNCE!" 

" Pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo" 

" DOWN!" 

" Pogo, pogo, pogo" 

" UP!" 

"Pogo, pogo, pogo" 

"Jump, bounce, up, down!" 

Now, as many know repeating the name of an evil entity is supposed to make said entity appear, for example: Speak of the devil and he shall come or recite bloody mary and she shall appear, well it seems that repeating 'pogo' 20 times whilst alternating it with the words; 'jump, bounce, up, down,' will make Daisy appear! And he did! Of course the Sanzo-ikkou didn't notice this until Hakkai had run over him, reversed over him, ran over him once more and reversed over him again, all the while crying his eyes out, so disgraced was he. Of course the remainders of the group were _devastated_ when they found out and after peeling him off the road they decided to leave him to bleed to death in the ditch, they weren't counting on Ima appearing though, and appear he did. 

and he spoke too, after readjusting his pink tutu with purple sequins that, for some obscure reason known only to them, matched P.O.G.O man's with disturbing perfection ( *shudder, shudder*) 

" We have a proposition for you Only-part-of-the- Sanzo-ikkuo-which-is-still-sane and Heavily-pregnant-man-woman" 

" Spit it out!!" 

Fluffing up his chest hair and trying to ignore Goku and Gojyo who had began dancing an extremely touching version of Swan Lake, after peeling the dress off Daisy's lifeless body. 

" Ah,... Yes! Sanzo! if you want your beloved golden eyed angel back to normal here is what you must do!" 

The burly and sweaty landlord smiled sweetly in the monk's direction, only to find that Sanzo, due to lack of sex, abundance of madness and a saru in a skirt had attached himself to said saru's posterior and the Heavily-pregnant- man-woman was clutching his lower stomach and breathing heavily. 

" You must agree to go on a date with Daisy" 

Isn't it amazing what ten little words can do? 

Silence reined. Then a howl, a blood curdling howl that froze the life in you, a howl that told of the great pain that had been unleashed, ripped through the air, echoing round the valley and reverberating against the mountains. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

A town in the middle of nowhere 

John turned to his redhead wife 

" What the Hell was that?!" 

" I don't know John, it sounded like something that had just crawled out of hell... lets take the kids inside!" 

" Aye, and lock the doors" 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Taking advantage of the confusion CTFA Cristina runs past, and in a fluid and graceful movement manages to glomp and grope Goku. She then proceeds to grab Vince and scurry away. ( Ha! see!? told you, you should glomp Goku, And wasn't it a lot better than glomping pogo man?!) 


End file.
